Broken Heart

What do you expect when you go to a cardiologist?
I didn't think about it too much, clearly.

About a year ago our Pediatrician thought he heard a heart murmur at Lizzy's regular appointment. "I can't be sure what it is. could be an echo, could be something that heals itself, could be an actual issue. Here's a child cardiologist, give him a call."

This didn't hit my worry radar. I figured we'd hear about it again if there was something to be concerned over. Lizzy has since seen that pediatrician without throwing up red flags. They stick a stethoscope on your kid for a flu shot. Whatever. No more murmurs about a murmur.

We recently agreed to be test subjects for a vaccine with Johns Hopkins, and they passed Lizzy in the preliminary exam; but on study day 1, they heard the murmur. They sent us to talk to our pediatrician before they would unnecessarily risk a test we don't need if there's a chance we might have some other problem. Nice folks. Very careful.

Yesterday we met our cardiologist. I took both girls, because I always bring them to everything - doctor appointments, grocery shopping, visiting teaching, life in general. Emma lost patience after an hour. Lizzy got an EKG (Why are they putting these band aids on me? do I have blood?) Then we talked with the doctor who listened and listened and wrote notes and then told me that he thought we might have a hole between the left and right chambers, but we needed an Echocardiagram.

An echocardiogram machine is - to my untrained eye - an ultrasound machine. Lizzy was interested in the goo they use to make the connection. (why is the glue blue? will I get my heart back? are they going to give me a shot?) Emma was interested on banging the stirrups against the exam table, rolling the doctor chair around the room, and touching the posters on the door. I spent most of my energy trying to distract and contain Emma while peripherally monitoring Lizzy's concerns.

We waited for a bit while the doctor analyzed, using the necklace and bracelets that we had to play. By the time the cardiologist was confirming his diagnosis and explaining what an Atrial Septal Defect is, and how he suggests treating it, Emma started bringing me vials from the drawers.

In December we will meet with the surgeon who will do Lizzy's procedure. Emma will not come to that, or any more cardiologist appointments; but Clinton certainly will. I really could have used a hand to hold, rather than a toddler.
On the spectrum of difficult things, this is not so bad. It could have been chronic heart problems. My mom pointed out that I was younger than Lizzy when I had my eye surgeries-- and that turned out lasting. My friend, Tara, is connected to scads of Kidz with special needs. I haven't lost a child, as some have. I'm really ok.

Still, this is what I'm worried about today. That thing my pediatrician thought he might have heard that didn't hit my worry radar... it's definitely moved up in the rankings. I really ought to get Lizzy to explain her perception on video. She's keeping me laughing.